The 10 Most Ridiculous Band Names in Rock History

Here's a scenario: You start a rock band, which you just happen to name after spending several hours huffing paint and drinking bleach. You spend a few years playing small clubs until you're discovered by a major label and start selling a lot of records. And suddenly you realize that the stupid name you thought up when you were huffing all that paint is going to follow you around for the rest of your life.

Here are the 10 bands who, regardless of their own musical quality, have the stupidest names on record.

#10.Nickelback

The story: Lead singer Chad Kroeger was having trouble coming up with a name, and so approached his brother, who worked at a Starbucks. Coffee was $1.95, which meant every customer who paid two bucks got—waiiiit for it—a nickel back. (It was either that or We're Sorry About the Homeless Man Shooting Up in the Bathroom.)

Why it's ridiculous: Asking cashiers at franchise coffee shops for career advice can only end in tragedy. (Kroeger suffered similar woes after getting a Wal-Mart greeter to do his taxes for him, resulting in the repossession of his house.) If you walk up to the cashier behind a Starbucks counter and, instead of ordering a Tall Sumatran, ask them to name your shitty band, odds are you're going to get something giving-people-change-for-coffee-based.

#9.Stone Temple Pilots

The story: One of the band members thought the logo on the STP car treatment spray bottles was cool. So yes, in case you were wondering: a lot of thought went into this.

Why it's ridiculous: Most of the band members seemed to think titling songs "Kitchenware & Candy Bars" and getting addicted to heroin was a fantastic idea, too. Evidence suggests they might not be the guys to turn to for well-reasoned decisions. The mental image of four guys flying around ancient Aztec temples matches up better with a psychedelic rock band, not a bunch of cock-rockers penning songs like "Meatplow" and "Sex-Type Thing."

#8.Matchbox 20

The story: Explanations range from the name being the title of a song from an earlier band to the band's drummer seeing the word "matchbox" and the number 20 on a guy's shirt in a restaurant. Either way, shut the fuck up, Rob Thomas.

Why it's ridiculous: If you're going to pick a band name that doesn't mean shit, there's an unspoken rule it should at least sound cool (Soundgarden, etc). Matchbox 20 manages a triple play of mediocrity: It's incomprehensible, it's boring and it's not even very original, given how many other generic bands showed up at the same time as matchbox with "word-number" combos (Blink-182, Sum 41, 13 Engines, Seven Mary Three, etc.).

#7.W.A.S.P.

The story: Eager for a cool-sounding metal band name, Blackie Lawless, Rik Fox, Randy Piper and Tony Richards decided to take the word "wasp," then for no reason punctuate the shit out of it.

Why it's ridiculous: When not naming themselves after animals, insects, or something misspelled, metal bands love acronyms. However, unlike KISS (which at least purportedly means "Knights In Satan's Service") or H.I.M. ("His Infernal Majesty"), the best that Lawless has been able to come up over the years is "We Ain't Sure, Pal." (This is probably better than "White Anglo-Saxon Protestants," but only slightly.) Worse, looking at W.A.S.P. song titles like "L.O.V.E. Machine" and "9.5.- N.A.S.T.Y." you start to suspect they might not even know what an acronym is, and just think punctuating stuff looks badass.

#6.Goo Goo Dolls

The story: The band found the name in an issue of True Detective Magazine after a club owner balked at their original name, the Sex Maggots.

Why it's ridiculous: Say it out loud. There's your reason. But not only does the name sound like something an infant would gargle while bursting forth out of the birth canal, it doesn't come anywhere near to complimenting the band's sound (neither does the Sex Maggots, for that matter). Sure it might have seemed like an ironic name back when you guys were young and confident that you'd always rock the fuck out, but now you're on adult contemporary radio, and your name reminds people of the gurgling mess in the back seat that brought their youth to an abrupt end. ROCK!

#5.Panic! At the Disco

The story: Named after the Smiths song, "Panic," which includes a line about a disco burning down. Note that this offers no explanation whatsoever for the exclamation mark/typo.

Why it's ridiculous: Much like their contemporaries in the whine-rock genre, the title utterly fails at being either cute or intelligent, and is instead simply annoying. At least Fall Out Boy is a Simpsons reference. A bad and obvious one, sure, but that has to earn you a little mileage. Panic! At the Disco makes us imagine a bunch of effeminate guys running around a dance floor freaking out because they ran out of eyeliner.

#4.Limp Bizkit

The story: Rumor has it that the name comes from the title of the masturbation game, "limp biscuit," in which a group of, no doubt, highly intelligent scholars stand around a biscuit and masturbate onto it. The last guy to ejaculate has to eat it. So in a metaphorical way, the American public has been losing this game every time Limp Bizkit released an album.

Why it's ridiculous: Following the naming convention of its mentor band Korn, Limp Bizkit intentionally misspelled their band name, because that's phat with the kids. Fred Durst was apparently operating under the impression that naming his band after a game in which a bunch of lonely white teenagers stand around jacking off in front of each other was just a little too intellectually haughty, and decided to "dumb it down a little" for us proles. Oh, and it's pretty much never a good idea to describe your hard rock band as "limp."

#3.Chumbawamba

The story: A group of British "anarchists" with strong political opinions needed a band name that resonated with the passion of their views, and so picked a gibberish word that means nothing.

Why it's ridiculous: Rage Against the Machine might be a little trite for a band name, but at least it gets the point across: Its members are furious with society for vague reasons you'll need to purchase the album to discover. U2's name doesn't mean anything overtly political, but Bono makes up for it by writing lots of preachy songs about world peace and running around U.N. conferences pretending to be the President of Earth. Chumbawamba, meanwhile, has a retarded name, and their only political statement to date is 'Tubthumping,' which takes the controversial stance that it's incredibly fun to get shitfaced.

#2.Puddle of Mudd

The story: The 1993 Missouri River flood left the band's practice space a muddy mess, which led them to this name—instead of the far better one, Missouri River Flood.

Why it's ridiculous: Not only do we get an extra "d" for no reason (these guys are the anti-Staind), we also have the privilege of getting an altogether unnecessary word. No, it couldn't just be Mudd Puddle. We definitely need that extra "of." Just like when you're ordering lunch and will sometimes get a sandwich of tuna with chips of potato. Bonus ridiculousness: This band name would actually work perfectly as the name for a bohemian coffee shop where a girl in an orange tank top with a brown bandana on her head asks if you want an organic wheat muffin.

#1.!!!

The story: aka Chk-Chk-Chk. In the movie The Gods Must Be Crazy, the clicks in the Bushmen's native language were represented with exclamation marks in the subtitles. The band thought that was cool, apparently, and named themselves three clicks. (This also makes the second band that's completely unsearchable by Google.)

Why it's ridiculous: "Hey, Nic Offer, lead singer of the three-exclamation-mark band whose name I can't even begin to pronounce, even after I heard them masturbating all over you on NPR, why did you name your band three exclamation marks?"

"Have you seen the movie The Gods Must Be Crazy?"

"No."

"Oh. Well, then I really can't explain it."

(A Coke bottle descends from the sky and hits Offer on the head, sending him on an amazing journey of discovery.)